Think On These Things
HATE EFFECTED ME
Let’s be real. After the inauguration, I was afraid to go outside. I received so many hate messages I was afraid to sit by a window.
I had shows still contracted and I was too afraid to go to an airport or any public place for that matter. My team drove me everywhere... many miles.
It’s three years ago now, and I consider it the past. My photos on Instagram, my experimentation with writing and sharing, my continual stepping on stage, is no small feat. I had to WORK for that. I was ridden with anxiety.
GOD HEALED ME
When I say GOD is a healer and a keeper and a mind regulator, I’m speaking from experience. I know what it’s like to be petrified, shaking and curious about medicating a temporary yet excruciating reality.
I’m here to tell you that you can get thru the ugliest storm. You don’t HAVE to live the rest of your life based on what you’ve been thru. You can go THRU it. You don’t have to stay there.
People will FOREVER identify me with parts of my past in their mind. They CHOOSE to LIVE there. That’s their choice. I’m ok with that. I KNOW what it means to be the person they remember. I can bow to that, with grace.
But I also know what it means to re-evaluate, re-position, re-direct and re-route. I know what it means to read 50 books in a year on every subject from “self-esteem” to ”spiritual warfare”. I know what it means to empower myself when others attempt to take my Power ☝🏾.
They don’t understand WHO is in ME. That’s ok. I still have my Peace.
HERE’S HOW I WORKED FOR IT
I took EVERY THING that I felt about my brokenness and became an EXPERT on the OPPOSITE CONDITION. If I felt depressed, I learned how the human body creates and experiences happiness, serotonin levels and even how sugar, exercise and self talk effect the mood. The Word informed me that “Kind words are like honey comb, sweet to the soul and healing to the body”. (Proverbs 16:24). KIND WORDS BECAME MY MINDS WORDS.
I studied how color, food and exercise effect the mood and mind function. I took the time to cater to the colors, foods and movements that brought me the most peace. Yoga became one of my favorites so I got a yoga license so I could be my OWN yoga instructor and create my OWN mantras for the ME that needed to hear ME encourage ME.
If I felt lonely and isolated, I read about the power of prayer, how to pray and how to experience MORE of the presence of God. I had to continuously show myself that God was with me. My Word asked me to, “Search for the LORD and for his strength; continually seek him”.(1 Chronicles 16:11)
I took EVERY SINGLE WORD that tried to HAUNT or TORMENT my mind and I embraced its opposite. If I heard “you’ll be broke”, then I would say, “God is my Provider”. If I heard, “you’re going crazy”, then I would say, “I am transformed by the renewing of my mind”. My Word said that in a book called, Romans (12:2). The truth became my weapon that fought the battle for my mind.
YOU WILL BE ACCUSED... DON’T BECOME CONVINCED
I learned in three years about the power of the mind. The Bible refers to the enemy as “the accuser of the brethren”. That means that the enemy takes what you feel about yourself at your lowest and then finds many ways to repeat it so that you begin to believe it.
The truth is, when something people says effects us, it’s not a time to look at THEM, it’s a time to look at yourself and say, “What in ME breaks when I HEAR those words?”. Do I need to take some time to re-evaluate, re-assess, change, grow? Is some of it true? Is all of it true?
Why does that hurt me?
Where do I need healing?
Why am I fragile enough to fear that?
What did God say about me, that I’m not believing?
I had to take an honest look at what hurt and see what seeds where in me that hurtful words watered.
There was absolutely some truth to SOME of what was said. I had to search for it. I had to clean that in me. I had to repent. There were also many lies about me that were was said. I had to forgive that. I had to release that. I had to let go of that.
I learned how not to HARBOR NEGATIVITY. I learned that MY FEAR OF REJECTION SCARED ME more than it should. I learned that I had a hard time forgiving because I had a hard time releasing. My mind saw letting go as becoming alone or lonely. God saw it as making room for Him.
I had to examine my self empowerment. I had to become comfortable ALONE. I had to re-introduce myself to my own company. I FELL IN LOVE WITH PARTS OF ME I’D NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED, parts of me God loved, but I couldn’t see. Things I knew COULD exist but I never explored. I had no idea I was this strong. I didn’t know I was so resilient. I had no clue I could forgive with such ease. I THOUGHT these things but experience made me PROVE those things.
What are you willing to find out about yourself by re-examining the test God allowed you to be in? Look around you. What’s trying to GROW you.
It’s been quite the journey, but I now have a testimony. I know for sure that I have a gift for encouraging others. Now I have the story to prove that I can encourage myself. If I didn’t have this test, I would never have become (or manifested as) this strong. The strength was there, but I would have never found it with out the battle.
Now a days, I’m in the studio, writing, recording and traveling. I’m performing without the anxiety that once plagued me. A part of me is fearful of posting or promoting shows via social media… I’m examining that fear. Maybe I’m afraid I won’t be embraced again. Maybe I’m a little cautious about rejection. I think that’s healthy. One step at a time. But I’m SO much happier, stronger, aware of myself and my place in life. I know what to give and what to keep. I know my power, what power is and how to use it. I’m better because of the battle. So much better.
POSITIVE THOUGHT IS AN OLD CONCEPT
Remember this: The enemy’s mission is to convince you that you aren’t who God says you are. He will use visible, mortifying circumstances to sway you into humiliation. He will use people’s mouths to confuse you to the point that you have to STUDY what God says about you to remember who you are. You will be accused but don’t become convinced. I began to study my family gifts. I began to study my family strongholds. I began to look for myself thru biblical examples. I began to crave the strength of Paul, the dancing of David, the braveness of Esther, the obedience of Isaiah... I found a character for every part of me that needed a hero. Sure did. For every accusation, find what God says about you. Find ways to become convinced about THAT. Find who did it before you, use them as inspiration.
People ask me, “How can a Christian do all the things YOU do?”. I speak of things like meditation, going within, the power of the mind. These aren’t things INVENTED by yoga. The Word is adamant about mind renewal, positive thinking and mental restoration.
When you find yourself in a fix, be still and remember to do this:
Whatever things are true,
Whatever things are honorable,
Whatever things are just,
Whatever things are pure,
Whatever things are lovely,
Whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise...
THINK ON THESE THINGS. (Philippians 4:8)
Keep your pretty mind on the truth. Don’t be convinced about the false accusations. You are provided for. You are redeemed. You are standing in front a made way. You are loved by a mind regulator. You are healed. You are delivered. You are free. You shall experience perfect peace... but you HAVE to keep your mind on COMPLETE LOVE... The Father. Trade your thoughts for His thoughts toward you.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
…think about THAT.
X’s & O’s,
CM