A Long Hard Look At MYself
You get to this place where you’ve taken such a long, hard look at yourself that you’re not wondering who you are anymore.
I know how it feels to wonder about my value and my meaning and my intention. It’s funny. You have thoughts but they aren’t the same as having intentions. Intent either comes from the outside force that presents the thought or an inside Source that convicts you.
When I found my inner “why’s”, my inner wise, my inner reasons for doing things, I was nervous at first. I thought they were juvenile, “I just want to sing” and “I love to make women smile” and “I like creating voice coaching & artist development programs”. I’ve been doing all three for many years. Some more quiet than others. Like... I have all these accomplishments and little accolades that I’m supposed to “pull from” and “think about all the time”... but the deepest parts of me are mostly artsy and people loving. That’s kinda it.
You Choose The Music
The world chooses what it wants to celebrate. That doesn’t mean, that thing has to be the LOUDEST in YOU. You choose what makes the most noise in your soul. Just because you’re in the spotlight, doesn’t mean the applause has to drown out the music. Why are you shining? What’s your reason?
When I realized that, it freaked me out. All these interviews and radio tunes and TV appearances. They have their place, but the music... she has her home in my heart. The creations, they’re what I imagine through the day. The faces of the artists I have the honor of pouring into through mentorship, they make my heart leap.
Inner Peace, Loving People, Music and Motivation make my heart leap. I don’t need a news broadcast to tell anyone that. The viral counterpart that comes with “bright human energy” is not the light itself. I know what lights me up.
On Love
It will be Love again. Soon. I know that now, because I literally LOVE (AND LIKE) myself. I think someone else would too... if they met the me I finally know. She’s not that complicated. She just lives in a world of many extremes and she’s been asked to exist in many parts of them. From Iraq to Dubai, Paris to Singapore, Dallas to Brooklyn, Harvard to Howard. I move around. My energy is asked to exist in many spaces.
I think the gift in quarantine is to know that it’s ok to protect my energy. I don’t have to release it, pour it, everywhere. I can have some for me and some for others. I can create the platforms and the environment to bring my peace to. That can be digital. That can be physical. It can be spiritual too, through prayer and meditation.
My energy is mine first. God given. And then, I love my neighbor... as I truly love myself.
My 5 Glow Tips
Have you had a chance to take a long hard look at yourself? Have people asked you to? Have situations asked you to? Have circumstances forced you to? You aren’t alone. I’ll tell you what… it’s not that scary but:
Take Your Time - Don’t let anybody rush you away from the looking glass. Take the time you need to admire, heal, touch, cleanse and restore the parts of you that need love.
Ask For Help - There may be some trauma that makes you a little uncomfortable. It’s ok to need trauma therapy, prayer and counsel to safely walk you through the parts of your life that are scary to revisit. You’re only revisiting to look at those parts of your life with a new perspective. Sometimes we need the help of others to see our past with new eyes. That’s ok. Be gentle with yourself.
Practice Healthy Habits - You’ll find that a lot of your unhealthy habits came from your un-visited emotions being neglected. I’ve found that I have less cravings and a happier time practicing healthy habits as I explore the creating of inner peace. Give healthy habits a second chance as you make “loving you” first priority.
Show Up When You’re Ready - People see in you what serves them. They will ask for it before you see in you what serves you. Be full before you pour out.
Show Up Where YOU Want To - For some reason I’ve thought that showing up in “small spaces” might be laughed at or looked down on. I’d show up at schools and small community spaces, yoga studios and Zoom Bible studies in small churches and be more petrified there than on big stages. When I gave myself permission to show up where ever I wanted, I finally felt seen for who I really am.
People will ask you to “Show Up” and you’ll feel inclined to “Be Something Great” by exploiting the beauty you’ve worked so hard to take a look at and love on. Show up where you feel to show up. Don’t let the pressure of success make you think that “the more people that see me, the better I’ve done”.
The most important thing is that YOU see yourself. Fall in love with her (or him). Take her where she is truly called. Show up fully there, in love with you and in love with the journey you’ve been sent on. It’s yours for the walking. Let it truly represent what’s in your mirror.
Love you so.
xo - CM